


Real

by jabraille



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Consensual Violence, Impulse Control, Love/Hate, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Protectiveness, Self-Destruction, Unconventional Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jabraille/pseuds/jabraille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What can you do when the feeling changes? Rated T for implied brutality/self-abuse. TRIGGER WARNING.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real

Sometimes the game stops being fun, but I can't stop playing it. I just don't know what else to do.

Sometimes it's more than mere indignation twisting my gut. It runs deeper, darker, like an underground cavern far from the sun.

Sometimes, when I raise my hand to strike, I long to follow through with all my strength.

Sometimes I fear myself.

I can keep it in check for days, even weeks at a time. I distance myself from the moment, go through the motions, convince you that all is well.

But I can't contain it forever.

When it all becomes too real, I need to make it artificial. I need to compartmentalize, break it down, make it plastic and perfect.

I need to be able to say, "We'll try to destroy each other til three o'clock, then have coffee together." I need rigid, unnatural boundaries. I need someone to love and loathe in equal measure with no consequences.

I need to throw myself against an unyielding wall until I can't feel anything—no rage, no pain, no hatred.

That's why I go to Seattle, Perry the Platypus. I purge the poison from my heart in staged conflict with Peter the Panda so I can come home clean. He's black and white in every way. He's a practice dummy. He's fake.

I just can't take that risk with you.

You see, Perry the Platypus... _you are real_.


End file.
